Eleven Quarters

Wonder where,
Wonder what,
you're doing there, 
tonight, this night,
this very night among all others,
I wonder,
my bruis'ed heart,
torn asunder already,
I guess I should really learn from my mistakes,
heartbreak began,
just like this,
same words same,
fucking feelings warming me over,
rebound from my memories onto you,
Please don't hurt me,
end this now if,
you don't intend to go any further,
I can't survive another heartbreak,
I'm hanging on with,
all my strength,
and in my weakened state I try not to cry,
days go by, I'm hypnotized by sunlight
dark hours stand starkly against once bright pain,
Counting down the years until I die,
Already I miss you,
Already I wish I could,
kiss you and most of all I wish
I could love you,
but not until in this clouded stupor,
you do the same,
love me and my all,
maybe not forever,
maybe not the kind that cements in your memory,
like eleven quarters,
for a pack of cigs from the vending machine,
when you were twelve,
delve deeper into my soul,
I used to be stronger,
I used to be able to keep up my facade longer,
I used, I used,
to be able to choose who I loved,
choice is freedom and now...
I guess I'm a slave to falsities
to what I feel
unless, unless,
you make it real.

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